Put Down the Knife
~3 minute read
Happiest of Fridays to you
I’ve been thinking a lot about all the great, big, giant, wonderful things I want to create. There’s a TV show pilot I’ve been tinkering with, a feature length movie script that’s been outlined with about 20 pages done, a one-man stage show that has 80% of a first draft complete, a memoir which has been lightly outlined, and 98% of a YA novel first draft done with a writing partner (98%!!).
Oh, and I have an idea for an app.
Looking at these large-scale projects, all of which hold a certain level of importance and gravitas for me, pushes me into a state of motionlessness. The bigness of these projects - the time, the emotional labor, the resources - send me into a spiral of fear and doubt.
Some people fear failure. Some people fear success.
I’m pretty sure I fear both.
The MacDaddy Fear
My greatest fear with these labors of love is not finishing them. I think my heart would break should I get to the end of my life and realize I was dicking around instead of pouring myself into that which sets my soul on fire. Yes I’m worried that the one-man show might be garbage. Yes I’m worried that the one-man show might catapult my career to the next level. But mostly, I’m worried about never finishing it in the first place.
Same is true for all the others.
Perhaps my fear, then, is bigness. Maybe the size of these things is too much for my little mortal brain to hold all at once. The success, the failure, the incompletion, the soul-on-fire of it forces me into inaction - a cycle of fear that leads to doing nothing that leads to more fear.
So here’s an idea - what if I take it down a few notches, put the knife down that I hold up to my own throat, and minimize the bigness? By this I don’t mean take away the size - the scale is important otherwise why bother. I mean the crippling bigness of it. What if I looked at these projects, these things that spark creative fire in me, and simply see them for what they are - things of joy that want to be born and want me to birth them.
New Rules…Suggestions
To that end, here are some do’s and don’ts that I’m going to try out in order to curb the fear of the bigness -
Don’t focus on the end goal - that just reminds me how far I need to go
Do focus on the daily spark - how can I move the ball just a tiny bit forward today
Don’t worry about how the final product will be received - that is entirely out of my control
Do think about the joy that comes with making things - that is the whole point
Don’t think about all the many projects all at once - get specific and ignore the rest
Do just chill a little - after all it’s only art
Hopefully, my dearest reader, if you find yourself in a similar situation and crippled by the bigness of the thing(s) in front of you, whatever it may be, perhaps these ideas can help you. Maybe we all face bigness in our lives (I mean there is that whole pandemic thing) and maybe we should just put down the knife even if just for a moment.
Like these words? You can pay me in coffee! Woohoo!